Phil's Story

My addiction to alcohol started at school when I was just 11 years old, leaving me powerless and alone.

I didn’t know how to get involved with other children. I wanted to feel part of a group, to feel ease and comfort. I got that from alcohol. All of my friends were older so they could easily get drink and I stole drink from my parents drink cabinet.

I felt euphoric when I drank and it gave me the confidence I needed. However, I was just 14 when I first had my stomach pumped. I knew I had a problem.

I was always driven – I came from a family who ran judo clubs so I was driven and competitive. When I have an opportunity, I take it.

So when I was 18 I decided to get away from the drinking and worked for Camp America. But the problem became worse as we got drunk together every night.

I ended up in New York on my own and this was where I did my first AA meeting.  I eventually came back to the UK but the drinking continued and I also did cocaine.

I went for job interviews with alcohol and cocaine in my system. I got the jobs but then I wouldn’t turn up for work and lost jobs. I worked in the leisure industry and had good prospects. But I would go to nightclubs all weekend and then drive straight to work on Monday morning.

At 22, my parents paid for me to go into a 12 week rehabilitation programme in Wrexham. I stayed substance free for 2 and half years. I then got into a relationship and we had a baby who sadly died. I found that incredibly hard and alcohol became my coping mechanism again.

I’ve discovered loss and bereavement is a huge trigger for me. I now have to work through a process with my sponsor if I lose anyone rather than turn to drink.

I did the 12 step recovery program many times but I kept relapsing because I stopped taking action towards my recovery.

My addiction has affected the lives of my family, my four children and friends. However, over the last 14 months I have been a resident at Lindale Recover Service and I am substance free. Patrick saw something in me as I had previously worked for The Salvation Army and Sanctuary Housing, I started off as a volunteer on the maintenance team, then went on to therapeutic earnings on the support team and have just recently been given a full time paid contract to run the new homeless pathways project for Lindale where I will be supporting people who are not quite ready to start an abstinence based recovery.

In the AA big book it states ‘rarely have you seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.’ I take this to mean that if I work on a programme of recovery with another human being and look at all of my defects of character, and go through the steps properly and thoroughly and see where I go wrong and see my part in things – then I can have a good life. It’s about recognising where you’re going wrong in life.

I’ve put action into my recovery. I’ve listened to advice and put everything into this to get to where I am today.